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Burning from the inside

Sometimes, we feel that we can be out of control, sometimes, we can be outrageos or maybe sometimes we just want to be diplomacy. 

If not because of respect or promised myself that I do not want to be in hateful environment, I might have just let myself burst out of respect.

I do not understand why. If only I could understand why, I might not have to face or have this kind of feeling again. 

I tried my best to be nice to everyone, but it's just not enough when you being yourself. Idid everything possible, to help out whichever I can, but I always get treated like "trash". I always get labelled as "this" and "that" after all that I've done. Is it not enough? I mean, why? 

I have feelings, forgodsaken. Don't they think I have feelings at all? I feel hurt, burn from the inside. But I cannot express it out. I can't tell or talk cuz I am afraid it would make things worst. 

Whatever they wanna say or label me, I am just gonna stay silent. I don't wanna create a very unhealthy surrounding just because I want people to know what I feel. I don't wanna be selfish too. So I am just gonna let it out here, at least. 

One day maybe if I got married, I know things will change. Hopefully, I can find someone who accepts me the way I am, my quirky family and my different and weird attitude siblings. 

I hope one day
I can get myself out of this place. 
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