Skip to main content

Burning from the inside

Sometimes, we feel that we can be out of control, sometimes, we can be outrageos or maybe sometimes we just want to be diplomacy. 

If not because of respect or promised myself that I do not want to be in hateful environment, I might have just let myself burst out of respect.

I do not understand why. If only I could understand why, I might not have to face or have this kind of feeling again. 

I tried my best to be nice to everyone, but it's just not enough when you being yourself. Idid everything possible, to help out whichever I can, but I always get treated like "trash". I always get labelled as "this" and "that" after all that I've done. Is it not enough? I mean, why? 

I have feelings, forgodsaken. Don't they think I have feelings at all? I feel hurt, burn from the inside. But I cannot express it out. I can't tell or talk cuz I am afraid it would make things worst. 

Whatever they wanna say or label me, I am just gonna stay silent. I don't wanna create a very unhealthy surrounding just because I want people to know what I feel. I don't wanna be selfish too. So I am just gonna let it out here, at least. 

One day maybe if I got married, I know things will change. Hopefully, I can find someone who accepts me the way I am, my quirky family and my different and weird attitude siblings. 

I hope one day
I can get myself out of this place. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Desa Dairy Farm and The Magnificent Mount Kinabalu

I should have chosen the best photo, but the internet speed won't allow me at the moment. My friend, Jue The gelato ice cream I'm a nature lover. I love watching sunset, sunrise, mountains, oceans and beaches. Not to forget that I love greens. In short, anything to do with nature, I'm a full supporter. As a civilian who works from Mondays through Fridays, having a Public Holiday on Friday means the world to me. It is like having such a long weekend! Here's the story. It was an unplanned trip with my Sarawakian friend who currently works in Kota Kinabalu. She is Jue, who planned all this. At first, she just asked me if whether I'm free on that particular weekend. I said, I'm free and there you go. For any plans she planned, I simply said yes to her. It was on 31st March 2018 (Saturday) that Jue and her two other colleagues brought me for a road trip stretching from Kundasang to Kudat for the whole weekend. I can't recall for how ma...
Post a Comment
Read more

Social Media detox

A week ago, I had deactivated all my social media (personal acounts) temporarily. I think this is quite good for my self-motivation.  Social media detox is good if you think you are so overwhelmed with whatever people or friends post on their accounts. Not beause feel envious, but it's good to get away from worldly matters and sickness.  I chose to deactivate my accounts because I felt bad about myself at that time. I mean, everything I saw was really not valuable. I had wasted my time seeing posts that are really unnecessary for me. This has taught me about myself too, that I should also not post anything unnecessary.  I will do this more often soon. At least once in a month. It's not that hard. Just spend one week away from SocMed, your life would be free from any negative thoughts/matters.  This is sooooo good. I feel good. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Hello 2022

 Alhamdulillah for everything... Today is 28th of February 2022 and I just wanna say thank you Allah for all the blessings you have bestowed me. I know it's the last day of February and I think it's still not too late for me to wish everybody a Happy New Year 2022! haha Whoaa... it's amazing to know it's already 2022, guys. Can you believe it? A lot of things happened in 2021 that I just didn't have that much time to update my blog.  The worst part for last year was the passing of my beloved grandfather whom passed away on 15th January 2021. I know I should have written about him like how I wrote for my granny in 2019. But the memory was too much and I was truly in sorry for quite a few months after his passing. It took me a while to get back up and continue living. It was really the most sad day ever in my whole life. I witnessed his last breath and the moment he said the 'syahadah' was the most tear-jerking moment I ever saw. I just could not believe it ha...
Post a Comment
Read more