Sky Nabila

 Apa yang aku niat, apa yang aku maksudkan, apa yang aku ingin sampaikan menjadi lain bila disalah fahamkan. Orang tak faham aku. Kenapa tiada rasa hormat? Kenapa terus melenting? Kenapa perlu menjadi sangat sangat biadap? Kenapa? Entahlah. Sedih bila kita rasa macam ni. Rasa macam tidak dipedulikan langsung. Tahun baru 2021 dah kot. Macam tak padan2 dengan perangai dan cara layanan bila fikir umur dah meningkat. Teruk. Teruk betul. Terima kasihlah buat rasa macam ni.

Saat ini, saat aku menulis cerita pada kali ini, ialah saat aku sebak dan sedih tatkala semuanya berlalu di fikiranku. Terlalu banyak perkara yang tersimpan dalam lubuk hati, dalam benak fikiran, dalam sudut setiap inci kehidupanku ketika ini. Tidak dapat diluahkan semuanya dengan lisan. Hanya gambaran yang dapat mengurangkan rasa sesak ini.  Apa entah yang mengganggu aku yang membuatkan aku leka dengan dunia, sikapku yang baran, hati keras, percakapan yang kasar dan sebagainya.  Jauh di sudut hati, semua perkara yang aku lakukan akanku sesalkan kemudian. Aku tahu salah, tapi aku tetap buat.  Orang sekeliling takkan faham apa isi hati kita, apa yang tersirat dalam senyuman dan kegembiraan kita. Tuhan saja yang Maha Mengetahui. Saat ini banyak perkara yang aku sesalkan. Banyak.  Aku rasa aku tertekan dengan semua perkara yang mengganggu fikiranku dan mempengaruhi tindak tandukku. Tentu saja kalau masa itu boleh diputar kembali, satu-satunya perkara yang aku ingin sekali buat ialah memad

A week ago, I had deactivated all my social media (personal acounts) temporarily. I think this is quite good for my self-motivation.  Social media detox is good if you think you are so overwhelmed with whatever people or friends post on their accounts. Not beause feel envious, but it's good to get away from worldly matters and sickness.  I chose to deactivate my accounts because I felt bad about myself at that time. I mean, everything I saw was really not valuable. I had wasted my time seeing posts that are really unnecessary for me. This has taught me about myself too, that I should also not post anything unnecessary.  I will do this more often soon. At least once in a month. It's not that hard. Just spend one week away from SocMed, your life would be free from any negative thoughts/matters.  This is sooooo good. I feel good. 

I remember when I was still studying in UIA, Neelofa's name was here and there when the media kept covering issues about her. That was due to her winning of Dewi Remaja 2010/2011. Since then, I started following her career.  Something about her that made me make one of my favourite idols, after DS Siti Nurhaliza. Well, I have a lot of other favourite artistes, but favourite idols, only a few.  She embarked her journey in the entertainment industry as someone who was daring, brave and strong. She used to be associated with a lot of wild stories/gossips but they never change my mind not to keep loyal for being a fan of her.  I knew it. I made the right decision. After so many years, I have been witnessing her transformation from the old Neelofa to the new Neelofa. A true fan can relate this.  Yesterday, she again moved the world by posting a picture of herself wearing "niqab". Her journey to be a better muslimah is really inspiring. She's got it all, guys. She has been/

The truth never lies, though it always hurts.  I knew the fact that should have gotten rid of it since last year, but I don't know for some reasons, this year I can't handle it. It is something about my feeling that I rarely felt. This time around, I might have fallen for the wrong person. I didn’t want this to happen, but I couldn’t help it. Till next post, bye!

Sometimes, we feel that we can be out of control, sometimes, we can be outrageos or maybe sometimes we just want to be diplomacy.  If not because of respect or promised myself that I do not want to be in hateful environment, I might have just let myself burst out of respect. I do not understand why. If only I could understand why, I might not have to face or have this kind of feeling again.  I tried my best to be nice to everyone, but it's just not enough when you being yourself. Idid everything possible, to help out whichever I can, but I always get treated like "trash". I always get labelled as "this" and "that" after all that I've done. Is it not enough? I mean, why?  I have feelings, forgodsaken. Don't they think I have feelings at all? I feel hurt, burn from the inside. But I cannot express it out. I can't tell or talk cuz I am afraid it would make things worst.  Whatever they wanna say or label me, I am just gonna stay silent. I don&#